


every night i save you

by Valiant



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 09:03:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18775135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valiant/pseuds/Valiant
Summary: "But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but ... after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again ... do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways...Every night I save you."





	every night i save you

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all. More angst because I'm trying to process my feelings. Quote in summary is from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments if you liked the fic as your validation motivates me :)

Love is always changing and twisting and quite possibly morphing into something else entirely, like colors in a kaleidoscope. What starts off as soft and yellow, like friendship, can change into a burning red romance. Look straight on and you see a father, turn your head to the right a squint, now you see a Daddy. Peter snorts to himself as he sweeps the floor at Delmar’s. Great, not only is he miserable but he is thinking like some tragic poet. Call him Peter Benjamin Poe, quoth the spider "nevermore." Stupid joke at a stupid time and everything was stupid and great, now he snapped the broom in half.

His anger boiled over and only his sorrow remained. Red turn to green turn to blue.

Every night in his dreams he saves Tony. He somehow manages to destroy the stones or kill Thanos himself by strangling the titan with his webs. Peter has never taken a life, never wanted to, but if he had the chance he would have killed Thanos the first time around. For Tony, he would have done anything. It took the man dying in front of him for Peter to realize that he was in love with Tony Stark. When Tony died, love died. When love dies only sorrow and anger and self-loathing can remain.

But in his dreams though? In his dreams he saves the day. He is quicker or he wakes Tony with true love’s kiss or he uses science to time travel to bring Tony back in some way. But Peter knows it can’t work like that. Nothing works out like that, not twice. 

Peter loves dreaming because when he dreams he can see Tony. He sees Tony here, happy, healthy, his. But then he wakes up, that kaleidoscope turns, and yellow turns to red turns to blue. Peter comes back to the land of the living and feels hopeless, but he has to keep going. Tony would want him to keep going.

School. Patrol. Eat. Sleep. Shower. Rinse and repeat until routine becomes comfortable.

He finds himself crying at random times most days, whether it be a place they went or someone says something that sounds like Tony, or if he catches a glimpse of one of the many memorials in the city. The masses light candles, those memorials always surrounded by light. Peter knows the truth though, that the world is dark and turns from red to blue to black, like watching the man you love close his eyes.

Today is a hopeless day. Today is a tough day. Today Peter is in the deli, locked in the bathroom as he sobs, body shaking and he is unable to breathe. Last night he saved Tony again. Last night Tony said he loved him. Most importantly, last night he woke up thinking it was real.

Love is ever changing. Look one way and you see a father. Look another way and see something completely different. Look too late and you see a ghost.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find me on Tumblr as valiantthewriter.


End file.
